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Sometimes I get a sense of guilt that I dont do more to highlight the injustices of this world.
Besides merely writing about things, the effort to actually get up and do something physically, often passes me by. It is not there inside. I am like a lazy bystander, an observer I suppose to many. Standing on a bridge as a lookout. Yet, there are most certainly times, when I would risk losing everything, for that which I know is true.
Where the world once seemed silent to me on the hypocrisy, the persecution, and the unfairness, that those in power had over us lesser mortals; these days I now see a host of people coming forward to speak up and expose that which is unfair and unjust on a whole range of subjects. There are millions of lies, inflicting themselves upon us. Though refreshing to hear people speak up, and the more the better, there is also a danger I think of becoming part of an identity, which can also act as a distraction to our own personal shortcomings. A sense of being a crusader, and a speaker, and activisit, can also act as a windshield and protector for our own ugly shortcomings, unless we are very careful.
There are many in the public eye, who can say and do the right things. They have the words, and they have the passion. They see. Yet behind closed doors there are many large and smaller lies that are covered. A life the public doesnt see. There is denial.
Often when these heros die, we wonder why. Were they good and genuine in heart, or were they distracted by their very own words and ideals. Thinking they had it, when really they hadn't. Conditioned by what is right, and understanding the words, rather than deeply loving with all their heart, what is right. Who is Who, in this mad crazy world we live in.
We suffer in the same way when we see preachers speak of Gods love. They know it, they speak it passionately. Yet, that small detection of them being caught up in image can be very confusing for searchers of truth. It can lead others astray.
And then there are the religious and contemplatives who have completely removed themselves from all physical existence and concerns of the world to devote themselves entirely to a life of quietness and prayer. Do they love God more?
Am I a hypcrite. Yes, at times. The relief of getting something out and on to paper, and the peace of seeing truth, sometimes distracts me from the little things, whilst I'm talking on the big things. But its those little things that really matter I think.
Times when I spend just 20 minutes in the morning, being still in prayer. And times when I fall into bed without prayer at all. Small instances when I see myself talking of another. Assumptions I sometimes take too much notice of. And times when I laugh at jokes on TV when really I shouldn't. Shortcuts I make when I'm pushed for time. Times when I dont listen to my conscience. Times when I sit and write, whilst being late for work - I can justify my actions when I do that one!!
So there seems to be a very strange pull between wordly affairs and a place of nothingness and stillness. The importance of being active and the importance of being still. How much do we lose about ourselves until we become a really genuine authentic born again person.
Are there many people who could live without an identity at all whilst udergoing a transformation. Die to an indetity, rather than add on to an identity.
There must be times we have to completely come out of the world altogether and not be concerned for what is happening too much, if only for short times. A vanishing. Is there a silent group of people undergoing this change
Surely we must love this place, more than the world. Is it a matter of perfect balance?
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